HEIGHTISM...

HEIGHTISM…

i masturbate as thoughts run all over my brain and press down on the vibrator more for the strange electrical sensation than for pleasure, it seems to help me concentrate, and i focus in on blowjobs and have a silent discussion with myself on the topic of dominance and think about some men who have shoved cock down my throat and then the ones who have been on the receiving end of mine and that seems far more submissive and it’s a double standard and i come to terms with it then come in another way to a totally different thought.

creativity begins to bursts like too much water in a balloon and after the video shoot and over shrimp dumplings Thrash tells us about his blowdart fetish and when he gets shot in the ass the blood drips down his thighs and calves like back seamed stockings and i think about latex squeaking in an ear and that evening wasabi hits the roof of her mouth and eyes water and i ask if her nostrils burn and later the four of us dance to eighties music and Scooter shakes her perfect ass on stage and LLoyd shakes his pink poodle head to the beat of a different drum and we say our good byes and i walk humid city streets which are quiet due to the lateness of the evening and backstage at another venue thick velvet curtains and we three watch each other pee and soon a hula hooper cuts ice cream cake which reminds me of angels and we sing to her husband and i am surrounded by eccentric talent and make portraits in my head and end scene back at the Box seated on the steps of the stage and watch a woman fly in the air by her hair white paint on her face and arms spinning with both stoicism and grace and i turn my head to smile at Darlinda then look up and kiss the sky.

CHIAROSCURO…

lips upon folds upon legs upon spreads and the man wearing a black eyepatch serves us tequila over the bar and three sets of legs dangle from stools and we discuss tribbing in detail and tribadism derives from a greek word which means “a woman who practises unnatural vice with herself or with other women” and Marie Antoinette was known to be a tribade and tribbed her vulva against some tasty cakes of the court and our pirate brings another round and she tells us she can torture nipples and whip a cock simultaneously but has never been able to rub her belly and pat her head at the same time and i get a good visual from this and back to tribbing and the night before in an incandescently lit bar we talk of community and oysters and Spain and Lisbon and a David Lynch song plays in the background and a memory hits me and friends meet friends and the streets are so busy it seems as if a concert just let out and chicken and rice and the sun is bright and they don’t have shades on their windows which forces me awake early and i put on last night’s shoes and head out into the morning and eat cubed watermelon with my fingers and pass shadows shaped as whales and an ice cream truck garage filled with pastel candy vehicles which sit silently in the large dank space the only light comes from the open garage door and it seems unfair to have these sugar coated tanks of happiness living in such dreary headquarters and i think orphanage and across the way a woman in a long white wig with bangs and a school girl outfit and thigh highs with bows on each side and big plastic sunglasses briskly walks by like the Mad Hatter and i cannot decide whether she is going to or coming from and i think about sunflower patches in Tuscany and tulip petals and soon lukewarm coffee in my hand sit and space out on the man across from me whose breakfast reminds me of Europe and i’m jealous of his croissant and piss and cum and ballerina pink and the birds eat their seeds from the plate that hangs in the garden and i can stand at my window and stare at this for hours.

…WEEKEND…

we eat BLTs and late afternoon light streams in from the window and stares at the leather and bounces off the metal of the cage bars and reflects on to our faces and conversation streams much the same way and on a white plate sliced heirloom tomatoes sit in their juices and we nibble on grapes and once dinner is done move the table and seven chairs out of the way and soon it is dark and one floor below the city street is alive and bustling Friday night and becomes the background noise from the open windows and we lay on the carpet which is fluffy and i slide my feet up and down the fabric and feel an electric charge on pressure points and soon she is naked arms and legs spread and bound by chain and cuff they have taken out the single tails and are practicing one from the front and one behind taking turns from asscheek to breast to back of thigh to shaved sex and we eat popcorn and watch and after they have finished she passes the whip to another and asks are you ready and i stand up and blindfolded my sense of hearing is heightened and it is very quiet to the right and popcorn crunches in one of their mouths and to the left her voice moans and groans a torture pleasure sandwich and she calls out his name after every strap from the belt and i melt a bit into the cross and the tip of the whip touches the tender skin to the right and and i jump and heavy breath on the back of my neck and heat from her body presses into mine and inaudible whispers make my kneecaps liquify and i hold the cross tighter and stick out my ass a bit to take in more of the sting and they applaud when the scenes end and i feel my way down to the inviting carpet and sit cross legged and keep the blindfold on for a few moments and feel high and so relaxed and recline back on a pillow and he enters holding a black garbage bag in one hand and i wonder what’s in it but don’t ask and suit and tie and sits down next to me with a tumbler of whiskey and i think to dip my foot into the glass and place it in his mouth have him lick have him suck it off stick his tongue between my toes to get every last drop and tell him as much but don’t follow through and will next time because around him i get hungry my mouth waters and want to eat his submission alive turn him into my lounge chair hands and knees lay and stretch back to back the pressure of my head forces his gaze to the ground and spider legs dangle over the sides of his pink canvas body and objectify him to an it and i blink my eyes out of that thought back into the conversation and they have returned from the concert and she takes off her clothes and red hair loose and i think back to years before when i watched her in a kinky porn video on my computer in Chicago and share this aloud and we laugh and he sticks a spreader bar through the rope and i chat with a new friend who wears glasses and a nice perverted grin and everyone listens to the cars swish by on wet pavement outside and i’m glad that i thought to bring my umbrella.

we take a yoga class and drink coffee afterwards in their kitchen and he wakes up hungover and hungry and brings back three green juices and fried shrimp and french fries and she pours ketchup onto a little plate and i borrow some latex and she takes out her boxes of gloves which her mother buys at garage sales and antique fairs for her which i find so touching and lace and long and ivory and black leather glove upon glove so many varieties and i can imagine her wearing them she is so lovely with poised thin hands and delicate wrists and i adore looking at her and air kiss goodbyes to both and back on the street i look up and my eyes run into beautiful visions and the blossoms against the blue sky and birds fly by silently and i can’t get over the colors and inspiration hits me from every angle and i take a photograph.

i dive deep into a pool of hedonism where everyone swims underwater dressed as clowns with red circles for noses and rainbow stripes for garters and she squirts milk from her plastic breast into his mouth and in the next act another lovely puts vanilla icing onto her small perfect tit and sticks a candle in and lights it and everyone sings happy birthday for the fourth time and the lights dim and music and we find a couch soft and grey and mimes suck off clowns and Raggedy Ann is getting stuffed like a baked potato on a loveseat and he walks by with an erection and sits next to us and we chat about fishnets and soon tongue to tongue she and me slip the cock in black and hard and deep and gasp and oblivion to a crowd and the pressure from her soft full lips forces my own open and french deep and fuck white and black polka dot tights around one ankle drop over the high platformed heel legs pushed open and around and flask and he pays a visit blue birthday cone hat perched on his head and kneels in front of her cock sucking off the pussy juice he gives her head and us a show and i go from wet to glisten and i think we kiss and back on top ride it open and public voices and music and white painted faces surround my being and it is everywhere all around us small orgies and feasts and cupcakes on the counter and down to the basement plant goodbye kisses on red glittered lips she is on her back ready to be entered and three or ten people in the room on the bed on the floor and at the diner we have a secret which we don’t hide and war paint smears on our chests and necks and cheeks and reubens and potatoes and eggs and chocolate shakes and Sunday afternoon lends itself to turkey sandwiches and pickles and we intend to garden but instead eat cookies and discuss the future wedding and listen to Tom Lehrer sing about STDs and he rocks back and forth on a chair meant for rocking and tells us uncle jokes and out on the street there is a trumpet playing and a drummer chimes in and a church procession walks passed the windows and the four of us watch and listen to everything at once and she tells us that blue lighting in public restrooms prevents junkies from finding their veins and he inquires more about the clown orgy and i begin to process and she mentions her fetish for voyeurs eating popcorn and i go back to Friday night in the blindfold the sounds to the right of me and rest my hands on top of my head and lean back onto my hard grey couch and breathe in an air of epic.

THE FLOOR WAS LAVENDER AND BLUE SQUARED WITH GLITTER SPECKLED EVERYWHERE…

emotion is energy in motion and my breasts are falling just like the sky was for Chicken Little and i lay on my couch and look out onto one of the last cold evenings of the year and Mel sits in the rocker and speaks over Leonard Cohen’s voice sharing Greek myths about Prometheus and his brother Epimetheus who was married to Pandora and Theseus who slayed the Minotaur in the Labyrinth and broke the heart of a weaver and i am mesmerized and unblinking wide eyed like a child with falling breasts and finish the last of the third dessert as she wraps up storytime with the fact that Tesla died in love with a white pigeon.

sanguine is having blood as the predominating bodily humor or cheerfully optimist, hopeful or confident and there is something to be said for not speaking for a stretch of time and it goes unnoticed until i use my voice again and realize i haven’t uttered a word since last night and my throat feels clear and open and ready once i do. she comes over with her video camera and i toss and turn in bed as she stands on a chair and records it from above and in front of the couch i slowly unzip and pull my dress down and reverse repeatedly and soon stand naked in my shower as hot water smacks my groin and the skin blushes and i want to pee and watch the yellow dilute as it runs down my leg and even though she wouldn’t be able to see this nor care i decide to hold it and she calls it a wrap and later that evening over spicy noodles we discuss Paris and flower shops and all i want to do lately is garden and meyawn like a zen kitten and roses are red violets blue and maybe i’ll relocate to Japan and study under a Samurai florist when i grow up.

incantatory is the chanting or uttering of words purporting to have a magical power and off the train and down the stairs the smell goes from fried chicken to moth balls to stale cigarettes and a man sings with his karaoke machine on the street and i cannot make out the song and we walk under the tracks snapping sweet mint gum and dusk is a different color in the Springtime and it’s vibrance gets me hard and i think back to my kitchen table an hour before where we drank coffee and she explained forearm poses during yoga practice and my mind slipped into sex her black rubber cock filled with the bullet vibrator pulsing in and out of my pussy i can’t stop thinking about her fucking me and stare and calmly nod and assume the attentive position although my mind is far off in a fantasy fuck haze and i grind on my chair a bit to ease the ache and suddenly snap out of hypnosis and zoom back into the conversation at the tail end and feel enlightened like i fully understand the brain and thought process of a man staring across the table on a dinner date and a street signal dangles from a wire and she spits out her gum projectile style onto the curb and rings the buzzer and soon discussions of classic art over a joint and curry and warmth and comfort take the shape of a cashmere sweater delectable and soft and invisible which i wear for the rest of the evening and stretch naked dark hair under white sheer pose breathe deep and long with stillness and melt into these moments worth experiencing.

MISTRESS ALEX AND MASHA, A FEW WEEKS BACK…

THE BED…

things blur and go in and out of focus like tuning a radio and the bed is soft and there are white and blue pillows two of each and i prop myself up with three and spread my legs and she gives me a vibrator to use it’s pink or purple and has a remote control and i nestle it into the soft and press Power and he is on all fours right in front of me his face lowered to my crotch and she is behind him and there are mirrors everywhere anyway i turn my head i see another angle another body part and i like how it looks and i wear a checkered button down which is tied Daisy Duke style and i like how that looks too and she pulls out the lube and a finger enters inside of him and he cries out and it’s erotic and i push down on the vibrator and watch and there is a look of torment and also pleasure and i like them both and she calms him with her voice and rubs her other hand soothingly on his ass and back which is pink and smooth and was my lounge chair moments before and i remember that fondly and lick my lips and watch his face as another finger goes in nice and deep getting it ready to be penetrated by her cock and blur goes into focus and i take the dildo off the harness and she lubes it up all nice and pretty and i tell him to lick the inside of my thigh like he was licking my pussy show me what a good job he would do and he eats out my leg and i watch her hand jerk off the cock and get it slippery and i am slippery underneath my panties and take them off or were they already and we tell him to fuck me with it and she slides herself into him and his cries and moans are precious like a soft fluffy kitten and i want to pet him and maybe i do and she has him match the rhythm of her cock and i like it fast and close my eyes and she coaxes my cum with Daddy talk and it puts me over the edge and grab on to his hand and help him fuck me and lose myself in another blur and open my eyes and look at her pretty lips and wonder if he can see without his glasses.

ATM…

afterwards i think that i need solitude and decline the movie as they set up the projection screen and leave. it is cold and the sky looks black and i forget about the bright moon that i had stared up at hours before on my way and it had seemed full and i had wondered about what is now the past and as i pass that diner she had mentioned on the corner of 20th and 1st i feel lonely and want to call them to meet me to come inside with me and eat pancakes or bacon and drink coffee and aftercare but i continue walking to the train and listen to Prince on the way and once home eat a falafel and watch The Hours and go to bed. i wake up early i make french press coffee i stare out the window i go to yoga where i keep my wool socks on i buy some groceries i go back home i read a text and respond and it is about then that i begin to process…

ALEX AND HER PAINSLUT….

NINJA…

thin mints and orange juice, two great tastes that don’t taste great together and at the party last Saturday i strike up conversation with Casanova about the satanic bible and the fireplace blazes a few feet away and glows and bounces off his cheek like the Allegory of the Cave and i paint a picture in my head and it looks like a pleasant mix of heaven and hell and next to the fireplace a massage table and a woman in white lace with Russian features gets stretched out like a piece of rubber and the stretcher looks up and says “you’re next, Natasha” and that sounds like a good idea and i excuse myself and go pee. we sit by the fireplace and he comes over to us and we compliment his velvet jacket and Alex asks him politely if he likes to get fucked up his ass and conversation ensues and although he is standing above it feels like he is already on his knees and i like how that looks and get hungry and soon in another room i take off my dress and we look for a place to play and pass by a couple i am friendly with and she wears a form fitting latex hood with a large hole for the mouth and it is put to use and he lays back on the couch as she gives him head and he and i exchange knowing looks and loaded winks and we continue up to a balcony with glass walls overlooking the penthouse and i kneel down and begin to suck her cock grab the back of her thighs and she puts her hands in my hair to get a good grip and he is nestled in between us and begins to use his fingers and tongue to please me and i choke a bit on her dick and tear up which really gets me in the mood and we kiss and she has nice full lips and gives me a harness and i slide the strap on up my thighs and force his head down between my legs and have him suck me off and she gets behind and spanks me and works with the rhythm of my hip thrusts and we are like a well oiled well lubed machine and Velvet Jacket comes up and asks if he can watch and of course you can because this is going to be you shortly not tonight but eventually and as fingers enter and mouths suck and lips kiss i think i smell my vagina and hope that no one else does.

…nutella and banana stuffed pistachio crusted french toast with hot berry compote and i overdose on coffee…

…the pain slut agrees to the photo session and in the living room he tells us he hasn’t slept for 30 hours due to work and soon after in the dungeon she slips a sensory depravation hood over his head and he becomes an object a whipping post and she sticks a lengthy spreader bar between his ankles and his arms and legs are spread wide and he is bent over over and tied to the bed and soon his back skin turns into purple welted leather and his cries sound like orgasms and i’m getting wet behind the camera and Alex laughs and whips and spanks and flogs and canes and bruises and beats and he is pre ejaculating all over the place a pile of cum running down his leg and an hour feels like a minute and he cannot see nor hear nor smell what is coming next and i wonder if one feels anticipation when they are deep in sub space and when the hood finally comes off he says how bummed he always is when it is over a true masochist and i keep glancing at my blue tights in the mirror.

…we listen to Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys and sit on white leather and i ask Sade if she prefers the feeling of silk or mink and she likes the latter and i agree and we envision floor length fur coats in our future and Axe seems genuinely surprised that she wants one and i’m surprised that he’s surprised and i think she is too. we eat tortellinies and cone shaped broccoli and discuss our island by the sea which will be hexagonal in shape with homes at each point and fertilizer for our land and i keep going back to a full body catsuit made of mink, sleek and disturbing.

…i walk in and on the dining table is an open laptop and on the screen a naked submissive man licks all over a rubber cock and Alyx tells me she is in the middle of a web cam session and asks if we want a show and the answer is yes and she walks over and yells into the computer for him to deep throat it and lick the balls at the same time which he does and we all nod with approval even though he can’t see this and i bring a black leather dress for her to wear and her ass is magic in it and right before i make the portrait there is a knock at the door and a slave walks in wearing business attire and a pig’s nose and soon she tells him to take out his cock which is huge and spills out over his pants and he quietly sits on the couch with his eyes closed all zen like his erection pointing to the skylight and i look at it from time to time because it is that huge and somehow reminds me how big life is and i think of bubble wrap and how once you pop you can’t stop.