i like the look on her face, i like the way she stares at him as he kisses ties licks canes flogs caresses. i like her tears that rain on her lower lashes and lids her eye makeup creeping down her cheeks slowly, blackened tear drops fall and catch on her upper lip all while her eye her gaze never strays from his face.this is the sort of thing that really gets me going, the realness the authenticity of these looks these moments like he she they forget that i am here this isn’t an act this isn’t about the performance, although it is a spectacular display, but it’s no longer about showing me anything this is not a presentation this is real this is what it’s about, that look in her eyes. it is endearing it is intimate and they are special i knew they would be and it is a privilege that this sort of trust these moments of vulnerability and power exchange become my moments too my experience. a bond forms when this occurs it isn’t discussed it just happens although i can always feel the shift during, maybe they can too. but i never ask.
i am the voyeur with a camera in hand silent fly on the wall, or in this case roof, the sound of the shutter is my breath aside from the occasional grunt or groan that escapes my lips when i really enjoy what i see. i look through the camera window, present in more ways than one, i am lucky enough to watch the movie with my eyes and then through the lens taking turns from one to the next and back again over and over. it is the perfect blend of fantasy and reality and i feel safe here, watching. always have and as it turns out always will. it’s where i belong.
the aftercare he shows her moves me and for a moment i envy this sort of connection the embrace the understanding the compassion and soon we relax on a colorful blanket and look up into the night and laugh and talk and there is a perfect stillness and we reflect upon our favorite parts and it’s Christmas and i walk away grinning ear to ear with gifts already opened and belly full from the experience which tasted better than any holiday ham ever could. magical.
